Yami Goes to Law School
by AllKnowingNiko
Summary: Yami needs to brush up on his arguing skills so that next time he clashes with Niko, she won't be able to weasel anything out of him. Who better to help than Kaiba? WARNING: YAOI. Don't like, don't read. Read For Yami first for this to make ANY sense.


(Yami needs to brush up on his arguing skills so that next time he clashes with Niko, she won't be able to weasel anything out of him. And who better to help than Kaiba? Debate training... start!)

Yami stared at the door and debated with himself in his head. And he was losing on both sides.  
>Which was why he was there. He hoped that the man on the other side of the door was feeling helpful for once in his life. Taking a deep breath, Yami knocked.<br>"What? What do you want? Niko, if it's you, I'm not going to help with any smut, I told you that already!"  
>"Uh, it's Yami," Yami bounced on the balls of his feet, already regretting his decision.<br>"Oh. One second," click, clack, beep beep beep. One by one the locks were unlocked, and the door swung open to reveal silk pajamas and un-brushed hair. "What?" Kaiba asked irritably.  
>"Um..." Yami hesitated, and then sped through the words. "Would you mind helping me get up to date with my arguing skills? My resume is mostly 'I'm the Pharaoh, deal with it' stuff, Niko got some yaoi out of me the other night and I need help so she can't get a thing out of me." Kaiba blinked slowly.<br>"Come... on... in..." he said, holding the door open a bit wider, just enough for Yami to slip through, then shut it. "So, arguing with Niko, hmm? Futile."  
>"I know. That's why I need help," Yami said, sitting on the edge of the bed at the center. "Anything?"<br>"First off, I need to see where you're at," Kaiba said, getting straight to business. "Offensive or defensive?"  
>"What?" Yami shook his head in confusion.<br>"Offensive or defensive, Yami, which side of the argument do you want?" Kaiba nearly shouted in quick tempered frustration.  
>"Oh, defensive," Yami answered. That was the part he needed help with. For offensive he could still just pull the 'I'm the Pharaoh' card, or at least 'I'm older than you'.<br>"Okay, hmm..." Kaiba sat in thought for a moment. "Got it. Should I, or should I not," Kaiba began to pace back and forth. "Should I or should I not have sex with you right now?" Kaiba ended up in his pacing orbit being right beside Yami, who had frozen in place. "Well?"  
>"That would be violating personal space, and would count as harassment, which could get you arrested," Yami stated, clearly and concisely as possible with a shaking voice.<br>"Good, good," Kaiba said in Yami's ear. "Keep going. Should I or should I not be taking off your shirt?"  
>"Also violating personal space and counts as harassment. I can and will get a restraining order!" Yami almost yelled.<br>"Direct threats only work with certain people, and Niko isn't one of them. Try subtler methods." Kaiba's hands traced patterns on Yami's now naked stomach and chest. "Should I or should I not take off your pants?" At this, Yami jumped up.  
>"Kaiba, what's the meaning of this? Why are you doing this?"<br>"I got my reasons, you got yours," Kaiba stood and stepped close to Yami, their noses touching. Yami's breath started coming faster; he could feel Kaiba's racing heartbeat through their touching chests. "Should I or should I not kiss you?" Yami paused, breathless.  
>"The defense rests," Kaiba smirked and kissed Yami deeply, his tongue searching for something he had lost way in the back of Yami's throat. Yami kissed back.<br>"Has the jury reached a verdict?" Kaiba asked teasingly when they broke. Yami nodded, panting for air. "And what would that be?"  
>"The jury says screw the rules,"<br>"Done and done," Kaiba spun them around and they fell into the bed. "Shall we draw up a contract?" Yami nodded and moaned as Kaiba's tongue roamed his nipples. Kaiba hugged the Pharaoh tight, making his arms useless and a hindrance. Squirming for purchase, Yami bit his lip and choked on a scream. "All right. I get to do this," Kaiba bit on Yami's ear, receiving a moan in return, "and this," he pinched Yami's nipple with the very tip of his nails, "and this," Kaiba was suddenly kissing Yami, muffling all the sounds. "Whenever I want."  
>"What? That hardly seems fair!" Yami snapped out of the spell for a moment, distracted by this ridiculous notion of a contract Kaiba had. "How about I get to do this," Yami licked Kaiba's ear, making the teen's eyes widen considerably. "And this," Yami yanked Kaiba's dick through his pants, and then pulled it out. "And this."<br>"Mmrphpfflmhffffffft!" Kaiba's surprised outburst was cut off by Yami's tongue. In a frenzied rush, Yami started ripping Kaiba's clothes off him, leaving tears in the material in his haste. Kissing the entire time, when both their last pieces of clothing were gone Yami shivered.  
>"I actually didn't realize how cold it would be," Yami smiled apologetically with a little laugh. Kaiba smirked and felt around for the comforter.<br>Not there.  
>"What the fuck? It was here a second ago, it got caught on my foot," Kaiba whirled around, thinking it was on the floor, and he was... half right. One half of it was. Both of their eyes followed the blanket up to the hand that was holding it.<br>"Now, let ME draw up a contract that neither of you can refuse," Niko said with an evil grin. "You let me tape, type, and publish this, and Yugi never has to know." she held the blanket up and smiled wider. "And you can have this back, too."  
>"Not in a million years."<br>"Not to save our lives!"  
>"Yugi's coming up the stairs," they glanced at each other, and then back at Niko.<br>"You lie,"  
>"I don't," Niko put her free hand to her ear and leaned out the door. They could all clearly hear the heavy footsteps that signaled a person, and the grumbles from the laundry he was carrying. "So? Decide quick." with a heavy sigh punctuated by a particularly loud growl from down the hall, the two men nodded in unison. Niko dropped the blanket, clapped her hands, clicked the play button on her... paused... recorder, whisked out her laptop, set it on Google Docs, jumped out the door and slammed it.<br>"Oh, hello Niko. What were you doing in Kaiba's room?" where there's Niko, there's suspicion, and rightly so.  
>"I just told Seto that if he didn't want the blackmail to get any worse," she pounded a foot on the door, meaning she meant it, "he would give me the keys to his car."<br>"!" it was all Yami could do to keep Kaiba from leaping up off the bed, charging the door and killing Niko right then and there. Niko knocked lightly again. "No way she's getting my car," Kaiba whispered angrily.  
>"But Niko, you can't even drive!" Yugi said with a chuckle.<br>"I know. Yami promised to teach me!" Yami's turn to have a hand over his mouth in a desperate attempt to not be heard.  
>"Seriously? He forfeited his life? What did you dangle over his head, your entire collection of tapes?"<br>"Almost. I found a little something in one of his drawers, we'll leave it at that." Kaiba's eyes narrowed and he turned slowly to face Yami, who had broken out in a cold sweat.  
>"You're kidding," the menacing whisper came slithering through the suddenly freezing space between them.<br>"Can you tell me what it was?" Yugi asked, their conversation still going strong.  
>"No." Niko said happily. She loved secrets, but always, at least one person eventually knew about them... and no doubt her phone was already sending the pre-programmed message to Reg, "YES WE NYAN watch the recap later".<br>"All right then. Talk to you later!" Yugi stumbled off down the hall. They waited with bated breath until they heard a door slam, then exhaled and slumped to their sides. Niko opened the door again without a sound and giggled.  
>"Believe it, Seto, believe it," Niko smiled hugely. "I'll be taking your keys now." Kaiba heaved a sigh and leaned over to his bedside table. He snatched at a drawer and it slid open with a bang, sending the keys flying out and into Niko's hand. Lots of things did that, and no one could explain it... except Niko, and she just plain old refused to. "Oh, and Yami?"<br>"What?" still sweating,his eyes darted back and forth between Niko and Kaiba, not knowing which was the greater of two evils.  
>"I put the pages, the ones with the poems? inside that drawer there," she giggled and pointed at the second drawer on Kaiba's desk. "and I give Seto the key." she twirled and tossed a single silver key to the billionaire. "I had the lock changed too, and there's only one other key to it. And it's mine." the duplicate of the key Kaiba held floated up and out of Niko's shirt, pulling on its silver chain and surrounded by purple mist. "Remember that."<br>And with that, Niko spun out the door and closed it. Her laptop, recorder, and pen and notebook disappeared into thin air, trailing purple light and leaving a smell like lavender. Yami sighed and put his head in his hands. Kaiba stared at the key he held. The bed moved as Kaiba stood up. Yami looked up and immediately tackled him.  
>"DON'T YOU DARE!"<br>"Please, Yami, I could destroy you right now ten times over, what makes this so special?"  
>"...you don't wanna know!"<br>"Actually, I do!" succeeding in wriggling away from Yami and to the desk, Kaiba jammed the key into the tiny silver lock and the drawer popped open. Page upon page upon page crammed full of slanting ink lay delicately in the crushed velvet lining installed inside. Kaiba picked up the first one with the tips of his fingers, and began to read it, aloud.  
>"<em>'Over the crashing waves of a sea so dark and foreboding, <em>  
><em> a story begins.<em>  
><em> Waiting, ever waiting, to be told.<em>  
><em> Here is the story of a love so deep<em>  
><em> The seas are naught but puddles.'<em> holy fuck, Yami!" Kaiba started laughing, really laughing in surprise, "This is so corny I might explode!"  
>"I would enjoy that!" Niko's voice said faintly from down the hall.<br>"And what's this one, _'I'll say only what I have to, and here are the words. They cut deeper than any knife, and heal more completely than any magic potion. No, they are the words of the heart, and they must fly out of my mouth and into your soul, for if they don't, I will die,' _I'll say it again, holy fuck!"  
>"Keep reading, keep reading, this next one's my favorite, and it goes on for the rest of the pages!" Niko was suddenly behind Kaiba, looking over his shoulder at the pages, excited about her new torture method. "Yami, I can't believe you wrote this, either! I did like the poetry, I loved the poetry, but DUDE! Am I rubbing off on you? I seriously hope so!" Kaiba just stared at the page, his eyes flickering back and forth across the page.<br>"Noah smiled gently... the cards spilled onto the floor... the room echoed with the noises of... Mokuba- MOKUBA? YOU ASS!" Kaiba dropped the pages and narrowly missed Yami's head. He would have been dead right then and there if Niko hadn't held on desperately to Kaiba's arm, then neck.  
>"I LOVE the fact that I've gotten pretty much everybody I know into writing smut," Niko said thoughtfully. "I wonder if I could get Bakura to help me out with an intent-shipping..." Kaiba looked up, paused in his fury.<br>"Intent-shipping?" Niko blushed ferociously.  
>"Intent-shipping: Bakura x Mokuba," she giggled. "It's like he's stalking Mokie, then like, rapes him. It's seriously fun to write. And I'll have you know, I'm planning to write one for every pairing I know of, and there's many many MANY pairings I know of..." Niko giggled and dropped Kaiba to the floor, who was in state of shock so severe he was paralyzed. "Well, I better get to it, hmm? I have yours to publish, anyway. Ta-ta!" she skipped around Kaiba's frozen form and out the door. Her voice could be heard all the way from downstairs, yelling for Bella, the fully automated house, to get Reg on the line and to get her files uploaded ASAP.<br>"Great, just great," Yami said sarcastically, standing up. Neither of them had even really noticed this entire time they had both been completely naked in the presence of Niko. The entire household had gotten used to her popping in on them at times like this with her laptop in hand and Bella's "security" cameras recording.  
>Don't you feel sorry for them?<br>Suddenly, Niko's head popped back around the corner of the door frame.  
>"And I hope you know, my pairings include OC's."<p>

FIN


End file.
